Letting go, part 2

Letting go of someone you love.

Last week, I made the most difficult decision of my life. I rehomed Millie. Our journies overlapped for such a brief period, but we both walked away changed Beings. It was meant to be this way. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

My life has changed so much in the past six months. I let go of my life in the city to move in with my mother in the suburbs, changed School Boards, quit teaching to pursue life coaching, sold the house I owned with my mother in the suburbs, and was free to roam around wherever I wish to go, with Millie. But I wasn’t able to roam anywhere. Putting Millie on planes isn’t fair to her, and road-tripping around North America isn’t fair to her or me. But I figured we’d be ok as long as we had each other. Then, I was researching a guest I’m going to have on my podcast, and I watched her video where she said she was relocating to Colombia, her 12-year-old son was going to live with his dad, and she rehomed her dog…the rest I blanked out on. When I heard that she had rehomed her dog, my stomach dropped, and I started to tremble. The Universe told me, through her, what I had to do.

I was in such denial, in such resistance. But the more I denied and resisted, the more I knew it was the truth. I had to let Millie go. Our time together had ended. I thought, “Life, why are you so cruel? She’s my baby; she’s part of my soul. I can’t leave her. I committed!” My love for Millie and our life together made me so attached to her. It made me want to keep her with me forever.

Our Ego has attachments, but our Soul does not. The Ego is not love; it is fear.

Despite knowing that, rehoming her still brought sadness and fear. But keeping her would be selfish. It would keep us both stuck in a half-assed life. That is why I didn’t ask one of my busy siblings to take her. No matter how it pained me to admit this was the end of our journey together, I love us both so much and only want the best for us. And so, I would ensure Millie got the best life possible, with a family that could give her what she needed. It wasn’t about keeping Millie in the family. It was about love and freeing us both. No one should be stuck because of one person’s attachment. Attachment is not love anyways. Love is never meant to cling. It is intended to free. I love Millie. Her location doesn’t change that. I can love Millie AND let her go. And not just for her sake, but for mine. That is True Love. So, with a sad heart, I knew what I had to do.

Crying, I went to my mom and said, “Mom. I’m so sorry for judging you for how much you love me and my sisters. I’m sorry for telling you to let us go and live our lives as if it were so easy. I now know what it’s like to love someone so much that you want to keep them forever.” Then I explained what I had to do. My mom was a champ at that moment. She listened, asked questions, and supported me during one of the most difficult moments of my life. Letting go of my life in the city, my apartment, my job, and my possession were nothing compared to letting Millie go. My mom was my rock as I cried and planned for Millie’s new life. I told her, “I believe God brought me here to live with you, to heal our relationship. I always said that I wanted a better relationship with you, and here we are. I understand you more than I ever did. Thank you for supporting me. I don’t think I could love you more than I do now.” And truly, I meant it. Albeit painful, the whole experience was a gift from the Universe. I was learning a valuable lesson about Love, Forgiveness and Healing.

The Universe didn’t reward me for my sacrifice; the Universe rewarded me for my faith.

Millie now lives with her breeder, Mary. Mary initially was going to keep her only until she found the perfect home for Millie, but she and her husband fell in love with Millie and decided to make her a permanent member of their pack. They called Millie a “gift from God,” and she is. First, she was mine, and now she’s theirs. Mary and her husband live on a 35-acre farm with their seven dogs (all of whom love Millie), and Millie plays outside with them all day. Mary’s husband is a hunter and will teach Millie how to hunt. Having spent so much time with Millie in the forest, I know she will love and excel at hunting. The transition was smooth; I can’t deny it was supposed to happen this way for everyone’s greatest good. Millie is happy, loved and safe.

The Universe, God, knows we are spirit, but also human. Our capacity to hurt is in proportion to our ability to love. When we hurt, it’s because we were brave enough to love. I genuinely believe that when we make tough decisions out of self-love, the Universe, God, will always reward us for our faith. Faith in love, in ourselves. Because they know how hard it can be, they have our backs when we take the first step. And that’s all they need: for us to take the first step with faith. When we let go of people we love, we are setting ourselves and them free to bigger and better paths.

My heart was sad when I left Millie with her new family. I know Millie will adjust wonderfully (it’s been a few days now, and she has fully adjusted to her new life and family). I was sad for me. Because I’ll miss her, and that’s normal. I know it will get easier with time. I’ll never forget her, nor stop loving her.

And now, we’re both free.

We all have attachments to people, things, promises and beliefs we love and don’t love. Attachments we cling to and others we want to drop ASAP. We form attachments in the best and worst moments because of our Ego’s love for attachment. But since we are constantly changing and growing, it is normal to outgrow people, things, promises and beliefs. They are NOT who we are. And letting go does not make us bad people.

On the contrary, it makes us brave, loving and genuine. Our letting go lifts everyone around us. It permits those around us to let go, too. Trust me. We could all stand to let go of more. Be bold and be the first one; take the first step.

What are you holding on to that you’d like to let go? What resistance are you feeling?

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